Score: 4

"This is horrible..."

submission: David Carradine Hangman

date: June 6, 2009

..horribly entertaining.

Let's just all admit it. David Carradine passed on in a manner that is easily the most hilarious way for anyone to die a horrible death. This is a classic Newgrounds response. The game isn't that fun, it's poorly constructed to the point that it's actually hard to make yourself intentionally lose, it's ugly as sin, but it is offensive for the sake of being offensive and I've come to accept that letting a little schadenfreude into my heart is a lot healthier than fostering a false sense of self-righteousness over a dumb game. It's good that some people are still keeping the dark side of Newgrounds alive.

Score: 6

"Gorgeous graphics, camera needs work."

submission: Tankmen: Incursion

date: April 30, 2009

I like the idea of a dynamic camera, the problem is that every action by you as well as every enemy causes the camera to move. It moves so erratically that the game is unfortunately impossible to play. Simple enemies become nearly impossible to kill on purpose. It's a shame because it seems like a solid platformer.

Of course, like everything you do it looks fucking fantastic, it's just lost when I'm getting motion sickness watching the camera spazz out.

Score: 8

"Good game too short"

submission: Bricks n Match

date: April 20, 2009

Pleasantly paced game with inviting graphics and some jolly backround music. The idea is well implemented and easy to understand, new concepts are introduced well and lend themselves well to new challenges. You've just left me wanting more. It was getting to a point where I was about ten minutes in and was expecting to just get into the really challenging mind benders when it just ended. Fun puzzler, not enough of it.

Score: 2

"This movie"

submission: Dont Stop Believing

date: April 20, 2009

Made me stop believing :(

Score: 9

"It made me laugh"

submission: Watchguys

date: March 25, 2009

It may have been rushed, but it was pretty damn funny. It's got a very old-school Newgrounds feel back when there weren't any animators like Adam Phillips, but people still put their heart and soul (and an ample supply of dick jokes) in their movies anyways. If you're going for comedy actually making me laugh is always more important than having a beautifully animated film with well proportioned characters and all frame-by-frame animation and in that you've succeeded.

Score: 8

"Neat and simple game"

submission: Nanobot

date: March 13, 2009

I think the coolest parts were going through the monster's body and seeing all the little details in the backround I specifically liked the urine filled bladder sloshing around. To be honest, the map made me think this was going to be almost like a Metroid where you're free to explore different sections. I was a little upset when I realized it was a straight through platformer. The controls and level design were a little iffy, bu it's prety fun for a rush-job.

Score: 9

"Here's a title for my review."

submission: The Day Keanu Stood Still

date: December 23, 2008

Wasn't that the music from the museum scene in Ferris Bueller's Day Off? I always wondered whether that scene was supposed to be artistic and if I should be affected by it emotionally. It always seem oddly out of place as if it was intentionally put in with no purpose other than making the film seem like it was more than a silly teen comedy.

This flash, on the other hand, was pure art. An enlightening exploration of what it means to be in the public eye, your every action up for criticism and analysis. Is Keanu mearly what we perceive him to be or does there beat the heart of human deep within? These questions are left to the viewer to answer and they reveal as much of our own inner worth as they do Keanu's. Plus, the gag with the images speeding by before landing squarely on a cock shot was worth a few solid chuckles.

It's great to see quick collabs that allow even the users without flash or much artistic talent to participate in getting content on the portal. Wish I knew about this, I would have whipped something up.

Score: 10

"Kicked my ass..."

submission: Danmaku Legend II

date: December 11, 2008

In the best way possible. I'm aware of the Touhou games, but I've never actually played any of them so this is my first step into insanity of this sort. I like the way it starts out, really simple, deceptively so, but it isn't long before the game just says, "fuck that," and goes all out on you. Bullets fly everywhere, enemies dodge nimbly around, bosses float calmly blasting captivating yet deadly patterns of bullets straight up your ass while you're left trying to make sense of the mess. Excellent stuff.

Score: 10

"Awesome overlooked game"

submission: Twin Hobo Rocket

date: December 10, 2008

I have no idea how this game got so overlooked. It's an awesome time waster both with a friend or without. Single player does get a little tedious, but multiplayer is where it shines as you try to shout out commands to your friend and work together for precious space-change, cringing everytime one of you yanks the other into an adorable meteor or into an alien you're soliciting change from. If you play long enough, the hobos' comical quips eventually become annoying, but that's just nitpicking. Besides, this game's meant to be a quick and simple game that's fun to play with a friend for a few minutes and it succeeds splendidly. If you're expecting an hours long adventure you're looking at it wrong.

Score: 8

"I'd love to see more of this"

submission: Orb Puzzle Game

date: December 8, 2008

This could have been simple to the point of tedium, but it's got just enough interesting ideas where it's fun without sacrificing its simplicity. The concept of keeping your concentration in two different spots is great. Can I madly click on more orbs for a massive multiplier or do I take it slow and really pay attention to the bar so I don't risk losing that same multiplier? My only issue with it is that it's too short and doesn't play to its strengths. We get a few levels that really explore this concept with many color changes and a skipping bar and then the rest all feel too similar to the first few levels without the great nuances you've designed. It would be great to see a sequel that takes this idea to that next level.

Plus a leaderboard would be nice too ;)